Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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