You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
