God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
