If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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