Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
