I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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