I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
