He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
