Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
God, I missed his penis.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
