yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
