I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You need a sexual gate keeper
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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