i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
