I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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