when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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