you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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