your parents love me but you hate me
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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