so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
