my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
