She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
