She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
