She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
