Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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