Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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