you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
