Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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