we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
