someone threw a dead crab at me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
