I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
only you would photoshop your dick
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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