Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
