Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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