Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
