She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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