We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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