This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
