i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
