dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
