ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
