i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
