it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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