Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
