Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
