that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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