I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
