Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
