I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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