nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
