You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
