I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
