Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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