Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
