It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
