she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
