You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
